Have you actually changed?

I had a conversation with God this morning about a situation with my ex. (Long story that we will unpack as we go along). In the midst of the conversation, God asked me "Have you really changed?" The question itself was been on my mind all day. Have I really changed? Have I really grown from the place where I was to now? Have I really matured enough to get that which I am asking for? Have I really gotten to a point where I can trust? You see part of the problem is that I've been searching for the things that used to ground me in the chaos, without taking the time to understand why those things grounded me to begin with. But not only that, I began searching for me. I feel as if I had lost me and who I am. The reason for the conversation with the ex was because of the need to be reminded of who I am.

Have you had that problem lately? Have you been searching for who you are, not realizing that who you are may no longer exist? This reminds me of the story of Paul - you know the man who wrote 3/4 of the new testament. His identity was wrapped around being a Christian killer. He would wake up everyday thinking of which and how many Christians he would kill. He had an encounter with God that changed fundamentally who he was. There were times within his writings that he talked about the thorn in his side - that which he would wanted to do he couldn't but that which he did not want to do he would do. He's not the only one within the bible that fought with who they were and who they were becoming. It's easy to revert back to that which we knew, that which we have been comfortable with. Its so much harder to embrace and move forward with change. But God is calling us to strip away our current thinking and embrace who he is calling us to be. God, like what he did with Paul is calling us to let go of our old identities and embrace the change.

As for the conversation about the ex, God I believe is calling me to think about things from then and evaluate the relationship and who I was then and whether or not I am the same person now. I'll let you know how that thought goes.

Something to think of.